Friday, January 6, 2017

January Blues ♥

Yesterday the boys and I had our first proper outing of 2017, and in typical fashion, it was a visit to the countryside.

I drove to one of the most secluded parts of our island, not wanting to be around people. I don't know why, but I always feel uncomfortable photographing around other people, fearing that they may look at me weirdly and wonder just what the hell I'm doing.

Being a former agoraphobia suffer, I don't think that fear of being around other people will ever disappear, but thankfully, it suits my creative side well, as my favourite photographic backdrops are places where there are no other people.

I have a serious case of the January blues and I can't seem to find a way out of this depression. I feel as though I'm swirling in negative energy and everything is getting me down.

I had high hopes for this year, but it's only day eight and already so much has gone wrong and I'm left reeling and feeling so hurt at arguments that have taken place and things that have happened. Serious health issues aren't helping either. The pain is unbearable and it makes it impossible to leave the house, be productive and put my plans into motion.

I'm also left feeling like the worlds worst mother as I can't even pick up the baby and just want to be left alone when these painful attacks happen. I'm like a bear with a sore head - just one irritant and I could lose it altogether.

I feel very disappointed at the moment and finding a way out to look towards the positive seems impossible right now.

Nothing is going my way, no matter how hard I try or how much effort I put in and I feel like giving up.

The outing I had with the boys yesterday was much needed and I did feel at peace for a brief moment on the strand. The sun was shining on the still water and the mist was rising above the sea. It was beautiful, serene and tranquil, a welcome distraction and opposite to the turmoil I'm feeling at the moment.

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2 comments

  1. When you're feeling well enough, go on another little adventure with your boys. Do what you love, explore and observe their happiness. I think children can teach us so much about happiness, they know how to appreciate the little things (oh to be a child again). I hope you feel better soon - I wish we lived closer, I would love to meet you and natter about blogging and photography xxx

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  2. Sending hugs and hoping that your year picks up soon. Xx

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